When All Else Fails, Just Laugh

It has been said that “truth is stranger than fiction”. As someone with a fairly active imagination, I sometimes find that hard to believe. At least until recently. The other night, I experienced an event that even the best Hollywood writers would be hard pressed to dream up. It was 100% real and it was pure comedy. Trust me, I would love to take some credit for coming up with it, but I can’t. I was just there taking notes.

I think it would be appropriate to kick things off with a little quiz.

If you were planning a Christmas pageant for a group of 40+ kindergartners and the roughly 1,765 parents, friends, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandmothers and grandfathers who would be in attendance, where would you choose to hold the event?

A) The school gymnasium
B) A large classroom
C) A local community center
D) Wedged between rows of books at a local bookstore

This might feel like a trick question, but let me assure you, it is not. Believe it or not, Tyler’s school opted for D. I am sure that, in theory, this made perfect sense to the school’s decision makers. Let the kids sing a few songs, provide the parents with a cute holiday show and receive a percentage of book sales during the event for fundraising. Everybody wins. In theory.

Having recently documented the pitfalls of trying to capture the perfect picture during Christmas pageants (see Leave the Camera Home), I showed up fully prepared to live NOW and focus all of my attention on just enjoying the show.

Upon arrival, it quickly became apparent that books, excited children and hundreds of festive, holiday sweaters packed into a single location will wreak havoc on even the best air conditioning system. I started sweating almost immediately. We were 15 minutes early and already the place was packed. The mob of humanity immediately to my right seemed to suggest that the show would be held near the café, but as I began to navigate my way through the crowd, I found out that my assumption was incorrect.

Logically, someone had decided that the performance would best be held wedged between two rows of books. Not exactly what I would have chosen given the fact that the store actually had a small stage, but I am no pageant coordinator. Apparently, nothing says Happy Holidays quite like the “Diet & Exercise” and “Vegetarian Cooking” book sections.

Once all of the children had been carefully positioned and the sea of friends and family had valiantly fought their way into viewing position, the show was ready to start. I was not fast enough to get an unobstructed view, but I was able to press myself up against a display of cookbooks and see Tyler’s sweet little head. The book jammed into my ribcage was moderately uncomfortable, but I could see my boy, so I was ready to enjoy some singing.

Showtime. Lights, camera, ……, no power. No joke, the CD player that was to provide all background music for the show did not have any power. My confidence in the pageant planning committee, already shaken by the odd choice of venue, was virtually shattered. Flustered but undeterred, the teachers simply announced that tonight’s performance would be acapella. You’ve got to give them credit. I probably would have just run.

Finally, mercifully, the kids started singing their little hearts out. It was adorable – for the 23 seconds that I could see and hear anything. Almost immediately after the singing started, virtually every adult in attendance simultaneously reached the conclusion that their view was unacceptable and a scene from The Lord of The Flies broke out.

Now, I love my kids more than anything in the world, but I am not ready to start climbing over people or scaling furniture and store displays in public to take a picture of them. Call me crazy. Interestingly enough, I did witness the fact that even high heels can double as climbing shoes for a properly motivated climber. Who knew?

At least Andrea, who had disregarded my advice and brought her camera, was able to get one good picture of Tyler.

Since I have made a concerted effort to live NOW, I sometimes feel as though the world is purposely trying to test me. I mean seriously, who in their right mind would decide to hold a kindergarten Christmas pageant in a crowded bookstore? Have these people not seen what great lengths we will go to in order to watch our precious angels? As I tried valiantly to stay in the moment and focus all of my attention on watching the top of my son’s head, I couldn’t help but laugh at the sheer absurdity of my surroundings. And sometimes that is all you can do. Just laugh.

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