Caillou, Clifford and Stay-at-Home Parenting

Going back to work has been a bit of an adjustment, but so far it has been a relatively good one. Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed my tenure as a stay-at-home dad – probably more than I should have – it’s just that during my economy-imposed sabbatical (sounds better than “lay off”) an interesting thing happened. I don’t know exactly when it happened, or even how it happened, but it definitely happened. Somewhere along the way, I became one dimensional.

I will be the first to admit that, after assuming just a few of the at home responsibilities at our house, I developed a new appreciation for the demands of today’s stay-at-home-parent. We live in a busy time. Everyone is always on the go.

It’s not that I took Andrea for granted, okay maybe a little bit, it’s just that I had no idea how busy she was, or how she was able to balance it all. Maybe I’m the only person who missed the chapter in “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”, but there never seemed to be enough hours in the day for me to keep up with my kids, let alone find time for anything else. Prior to unemployment, I had many interests. I kept up with the latest news, sports, and politics. I even occasionally found time to read a good book.

While I was semi-retired, I tried to help in the household duties, but it was all I could do to help keep the kids fed, clothed and on time. Each day was a whirlwind of activity. It was a non-stop cycle of wake up, get dressed, eat, activity, eat, activity, nap (yeah right), eat, play, crash, burn, repeat. I love my children dearly, but they can be, how shall I say, somewhat difficult to manage at times.

Most of the time, the minute Tyler was done eating, Kailey would need help getting dressed. The minute Kailey was finished getting dressed, Tyler needed help finding his shoes. By the time Tyler’s shoes had been found, Kailey would have successfully taken her clothes off and would be running around naked trying to feed the dog the remains of her meal, etc, etc, etc.

Just about the time the kids were finally dressed, fed and late for something, one would look at the other with a funny face and complete pandemonium would break out. Needless to say, I seldom had the luxury of reading a good book in my spare time.

Somehow, in all of the chaos, my life had become that of the frazzled dad. Andrea somehow managed to balance kids, health, fitness, meals, friends, even a side Internet business every day. Yet, I was a complete mess just trying to help out. And without the normal adult interaction I had previously enjoyed at work on a daily basis, my entire existence became that of being a dad. Without question, it was a blessing. But even as an incredible blessing, without some sort of balance, my singular focus led me to some unanticipated side effects.

It first dawned on me that I might need to expand my interests when I found myself really connecting with Caillou, Clifford and Handy Manny.

Somehow a bald 4 year old, a gigantic red Labrador and a talking set of tools made perfect sense to me. Seldom would a conversation pass where I didn’t include some reference to how loyal Clifford was or how nothing seemed to phase Caillou. As I gradually became aware of the fact that most, if not all, of my discussions included “if Handy Manny can do it”, it became apparent that my pool of cultural knowledge had grown dangerously shallow.

Another revelation came about when I realized that every conversation I had invariably ended up focused on dirty diapers, temper tantrums or potty language, regardless of how it started. I am pretty sure that I didn’t do it on purpose; it’s just that this was the extent of my frame of reference. Where once I had been fairly well versed in the latest state of world affairs, now my world consisted of trying to keep two little ones alive and my conversations reflected it.

Friend: “Man, can you believe how much money the U.S. has spent on the war on terror?”
Me: “Speaking of terror, Kailey sure didn’t want to eat her broccoli today. She was a terror all afternoon.”

Or

Friend: “Did you catch the presidential debate last night? Great discussion on global warming.”
Me: “Well, if it was anything like the debate I had with Tyler over naptime, then nobody won.”

I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to spend so much quality time with my kids. As great as it was, I still was never able to achieve a healthy balance like many successful stay-at-home parents are able to. I spent so much time wrapped up in the details like when to eat and what to have them wear, I missed several chances to just play with them and enjoy their company. Ironically, now that I am back at work and have less time to spend with them, I feel like I am a better dad because I appreciate each moment that much more.

Every once in awhile, I will hear someone say, “I’m just a stay-at-home parent”. Having walked a mile in their shoes, I have a new appreciation for the difficulty of the job. I don’t know how they do it, how they balance the countless demands of being a full time parent with their personal needs to keep themselves sane, but God bless ‘em for being able to do it. I tried it for six months and ended up a one dimensional mess that talked to animated bald kids on TV.

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